Incredible! Unbelievable! Look as I might, I still can’t find a decent job …. I already have one of course but I want to leave, and alas, in this economy one can’t just chuck it all and stay at home, can we? My heart is set on something in publishing but I am wondering how to go about getting a job in such a place … hmm …
2009 …wow! back after a lapse of more than 2 years!!
Many things have come to pass but one thing remains constant…stupid impacted wisdom teeth <sigh> I have to go get impacted wisdom teeth on both upper and lower jaws taken out from the right side and I am putting it off again and again and again …. who wants to be put under GA for that??? Last time I managed with local anesthesia and sedation …. wonder how long I can put it off though, but something always comes up just when I am scheduling the date for surgery ….
Check the content below: I wrote that 2 years back! Can’t believe I waited 2 whole years … procrastination is an art that I have truly mastered.
Written many moons ago…..
There were times since 2006 May or so when I used to indulge in little pity parties… but people just had to forgive me ‘coz I was "blessed" with intense jaw pain…it even came to the point where I stopped eating anything which was not soft and stared with envy and yearning at others munching stuff, with the occasional throwing away of all caution, to suffer later! (Unfortunately for me, my love of the gab didn’t stop, so hence my beloved had to suffer sleepless hours in the night keeping me company, probably wondering why the pain didn’t keep me from opening my mouth at all)
So, anyways, July 2007 saw me braving the winds and taking the first step towards freedom from my dreaded impacted wisdom teeth, and my left jaw emerged scathed but victorious.
Yep, that’s what my career path looks like…whereas most people I know think not once, not twice but at least five times, consult with friends, family and sometimes even total strangers about switching jobs, I embark on career changes as if they are opportunities to explore new ground, a chance to grow and experience life: which I truly believe they are. I am even known for spontaneous acceptances of job offers with nary a thought to the consequances except for prior work commitments.
I am proud at this stage of my life to happily state that joining a new office, getting to know and work with new colleagues and acclimatizing to a new office culture has never daunted me…I do get a slight case of the jitters but I get over it fast and if I don’t, I never let on. The hardest and the most dangerous people of course are the women, specially those who have been around practically forever!
I am aware that those who take a look at my CV cannot help but wonder whether I suffer from some form of commitment phobia-one that has specifically to do with job satisfaction. Or they would happily classify me as footloose; assuming that my personal life is much the same where I probably drift from relationship to relationship looking for that certain elusive something that I cannot define but is determined to find.
The fact of the matter is, it is not money, prestige or power that I am after-if that were the case, I wouldn’t have taken up any of the jobs that I have been in for nearly my whole career todate! Almost all my batchmates from campus, for example, have gone on that path and now, are immersed in careers that are steeped in benefits and little else. Of course, they get nice loans, office cars, etc etc but are they ever happy? or is it that they have realised the reality of life, that money (or material stuff) IS indeed what makes the world go round and I’m one of the few ‘fools/losers’ who believe otherwise?
My problem? I want to feel challenged, I want to get to know what makes me ‘me’ and anyways, a ‘normal, desk job’ has always seemed a fate worse than death and I still hold that view…but I have come to realise that a compromise is now called for: for the simple reason that a total ideal, can never be fullfilled nor make you happy.
There are those who readily admit that they find it very hard to understand me…well, if it makes them feel any better, I haven’t even begun to understand myself, so hey, cut yourselves some slack…it’s a long, winding road ahead if you must figure me out. My advice? Just let it be
What do you do when you don’t know what you want, don’t want what you have, are not sure you want what you don’t have, can’t make a decision, and in addition to all these, just know that you are not ready to change your life right now??? BUT want to change it anyway ???!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGHHHH !!!!
“Empathy is not a good thing if you are as confused as I am…with an amazing capacity for empathy, attracting emotional distress is almost second nature to me…” A.S.K. 1
“We are all victims…Our destinies are decided by a cosmic role of the dice, the whims of the stars, the vagrant breezes of fortune that blow from the windmills of the Gods”- A Final Destiny by H.L. Dietrich