I am proud at this stage of my life to happily state that joining a new office, getting to know and work with new colleagues and acclimatizing to a new office culture has never daunted me…I do get a slight case of the jitters but I get over it fast and if I don’t, I never let on. The hardest and the most dangerous people of course are the women, specially those who have been around practically forever!

I am aware that those who take a look at my CV cannot help but wonder whether I suffer from some form of commitment phobia-one that has specifically to do with job satisfaction. Or they would happily classify me as footloose; assuming that my personal life is much the same where I probably drift from relationship to relationship looking for that certain elusive something that I cannot define but is determined to find.

The fact of the matter is, it is not money, prestige or power that I am after-if that were the case, I wouldn’t have taken up any of the jobs that I have been in for nearly my whole career todate! Almost all my batchmates from campus, for example, have gone on that path and now, are immersed in careers that are steeped in benefits and little else. Of course, they get nice loans, office cars, etc etc but are they ever happy? or is it that they have realised the reality of life, that money (or material stuff) IS indeed what makes the world go round and I’m one of the few ‘fools/losers’ who believe otherwise?

My problem? I want to feel challenged, I want to get to know what makes me ‘me’ and anyways, a ‘normal, desk job’ has always seemed a fate worse than death and I still hold that view…but I have come to realise that a compromise is now called for: for the simple reason that a total ideal, can never be fullfilled nor make you happy.

There are those who readily admit that they find it very hard to understand me…well, if it makes them feel any better, I haven’t even begun to understand myself, so hey, cut yourselves some slack…it’s a long, winding road ahead if you must figure me out. My advice? Just let it be

What do you do when you don’t know what you want, don’t want what you have, are not sure you want what you don’t have, can’t make a decision, and in addition to all these, just know that you are not ready to change your life right now??? BUT want to change it anyway ???!!!!

“Empathy is not a good thing if you are as confused as I am…with an amazing capacity for empathy, attracting emotional distress is almost second nature to me…” A.S.K. 1

“We are all victims…Our destinies are decided by a cosmic role of the dice, the whims of the stars, the vagrant breezes of fortune that blow from the windmills of the Gods”- A Final Destiny by H.L. Dietrich